I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
