Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
