I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
