oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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