i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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