Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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