Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
