I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had sex on a roof
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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