I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
