Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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