You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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