god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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