he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
