I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
