I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
