i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
