Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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