Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
