***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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