member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
