Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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