i just made my gag reflex go away.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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