if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
