how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
