1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
