just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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