There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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