I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
and she was petting her beer can
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
