Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
