I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
