is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
