She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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