i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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