She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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