He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
