We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
