I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
