I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
