just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
