She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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