His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
