to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
