can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
