I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
