the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
