Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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