This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
