hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
