guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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