If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
