But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
