He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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