My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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